Day 19: Jill, Pat and my guilty conscience

"Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy." 

-- E. H. Chapin

As I write about last Friday's rejection, I am reflecting on how we all make judgments about those around us--judgments which are often not only unfair but unfounded. I am as guilty as anyone, but Day 19 was school day for me, in more ways than one as you will see if you read this entire post.

After dropping off one of my dogs at the vet that morning for a dental cleaning, I went to have my hair cut. I go to an upscale salon in the heart of a wealthy part of town. You can imagine the clientele there, and then there's me. I've always thought the women that go there must be sophisticated and probably somewhat snooty. They would surely reject me because....well, because! I'll just admit it, they intimidate me. At least, they did.

First, there was Jill. Jill didn't have a clue the mental gymnastics I was doing when she sat near me under the big hair dryers. I had been sitting for a while and had already let two other ladies come and go without trying to talk to them. I was too afraid. I tried to bring myself to do it, but the old familiar sweats and heart pounding set in. I kept telling myself to go for it, that I had been doing great in spite of my nerves up to now. But by the time Jill sat next to me I wanted to go home. Somehow, I finally got up the nerve to speak to her. To my relief, Jill was warm and friendly right off the bat. A real pleasure to talk to!

Jill had foils in her hair, which was going every which way as hair tends to do during a coloring. I had wet hair coated with treatment, no makeup. Not a glamorous moment.

"I'm writing a blog about interacting with strangers," I said to Jill. "Would you mind if I took a picture of us under these hair dryers and posted it on my blog?" I thought, even as friendly as she was, Jill is not going to let me take her picture like this and post it online.

"Sure!" she laughed. She thought the idea was fun and had no hangups. I asked her two or three times if she was sure, but she was all for it. "That's fine!" she laughed some more. "It sounds like fun!" More chit chat ensued of which I have little memory because I was so nervous. Then I took our portrait. Preconceived notion #1 was officially shot down.

Me and Jill, getting purtied up at the salon

Ok maybe Jill was an anomaly. Surely the other women at this place will reject me? I just have to try again. My courage was coming back, but my hair cutter was ready for me. I'd have to wait until after my service. *sigh*

On the way out after my cut, I spied Pat. Pat is a lovely woman who had an air of importance about her. This is it, I thought. Jill was awesome but this lady is going to reject me like dog poo on new shoes.

"Excuse me," I went up to her. "I'm writing a blog about interacting with strangers. Would you take a picture with me for my blog?"

Pat's visage opened into an amused smile and she said "Sure, if you want to take a picture of me looking like this!" She was being humble, but all I saw was a beautiful woman in front of me. And - in spite of my preconceived notions about this place - not snooty in the least. Pat was lovely and accommodating, though she didn't know me from Adam. I moved in closer and got a shot of us too:

Hair stylin' with Pat!

I chatted with Pat for a little bit, we said our goodbyes and I left the salon. This is where I started to realize that maybe my preconceived notions about the clientele here were possibly unfair. I'm sure the stereotypes exist there, but Jill was not one of them. Neither was Pat. Maybe I shouldn't judge a book by its cover -- or in this case, location. In fact they were no nice to me, I felt empowered to keep going. Preconceived notion #2: shot down.

But now I was becoming desperate for a rejection. I only have so much stamina for this. I'm typically an introverted person, so my tolerance for putting myself out there repeatedly in one day is low. I'm not exactly proud of what I did next, but I did learn a lesson from it: I wouldn't make a request like this of someone again. I just felt too guilty about it afterward.

Jacki mentioned in an earlier post that she didn't want to feel like she was messing with people. Up until last Friday I never felt that way about this challenge. Sometimes though, you have cross your own boundaries in order to know where your boundaries are. And I was in the mood to test my boundaries.

After the salon I went to grab lunch, where I spent time thinking of something distasteful I could ask of a stranger. I was being too nice, I thought, and asking in too polite a manner to get rejected.  And I was feeling emboldened by the great interactions at the salon. So as I was leaving Whole Foods I approached someone in the parking lot with the worst request I could think of and not get punched in the face--a one way ticket to Rejection City: "Hi, I don't want to bother you, but I'm looking for someone to vouch for where I was last night with my boyfriend. He is suspicious of me and I don't know what to do. I know it's a lot to ask of a stranger, but if I call him, would you be willing to talk to him and tell him you were with me?"

I think my heart has not pounded so hard during this entire challenge as it did then. I wasn't sure I would, but I did get rejected. And then I felt bad. Actually I felt a bit creepy. Nothing bad happened of course, but that fabrication was beyond what I was ok with. But hey, it got me rejected so it wasn't a total loss.

To add insult to injury, I continued to ask other women for selfies with me and eventually got turned down for that too. Why bother with that when I was past my threshold and had already gotten rejected? Well, I wasn't sure I even wanted to blog about the "boyfriend" one, so I needed a backup rejection. But, I think the lesson learned here was a good one, and it does make things more interesting.