Day 19: Jill, Pat and my guilty conscience

"Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy." 

-- E. H. Chapin

As I write about last Friday's rejection, I am reflecting on how we all make judgments about those around us--judgments which are often not only unfair but unfounded. I am as guilty as anyone, but Day 19 was school day for me, in more ways than one as you will see if you read this entire post.

After dropping off one of my dogs at the vet that morning for a dental cleaning, I went to have my hair cut. I go to an upscale salon in the heart of a wealthy part of town. You can imagine the clientele there, and then there's me. I've always thought the women that go there must be sophisticated and probably somewhat snooty. They would surely reject me because....well, because! I'll just admit it, they intimidate me. At least, they did.

First, there was Jill. Jill didn't have a clue the mental gymnastics I was doing when she sat near me under the big hair dryers. I had been sitting for a while and had already let two other ladies come and go without trying to talk to them. I was too afraid. I tried to bring myself to do it, but the old familiar sweats and heart pounding set in. I kept telling myself to go for it, that I had been doing great in spite of my nerves up to now. But by the time Jill sat next to me I wanted to go home. Somehow, I finally got up the nerve to speak to her. To my relief, Jill was warm and friendly right off the bat. A real pleasure to talk to!

Jill had foils in her hair, which was going every which way as hair tends to do during a coloring. I had wet hair coated with treatment, no makeup. Not a glamorous moment.

"I'm writing a blog about interacting with strangers," I said to Jill. "Would you mind if I took a picture of us under these hair dryers and posted it on my blog?" I thought, even as friendly as she was, Jill is not going to let me take her picture like this and post it online.

"Sure!" she laughed. She thought the idea was fun and had no hangups. I asked her two or three times if she was sure, but she was all for it. "That's fine!" she laughed some more. "It sounds like fun!" More chit chat ensued of which I have little memory because I was so nervous. Then I took our portrait. Preconceived notion #1 was officially shot down.

Me and Jill, getting purtied up at the salon

Ok maybe Jill was an anomaly. Surely the other women at this place will reject me? I just have to try again. My courage was coming back, but my hair cutter was ready for me. I'd have to wait until after my service. *sigh*

On the way out after my cut, I spied Pat. Pat is a lovely woman who had an air of importance about her. This is it, I thought. Jill was awesome but this lady is going to reject me like dog poo on new shoes.

"Excuse me," I went up to her. "I'm writing a blog about interacting with strangers. Would you take a picture with me for my blog?"

Pat's visage opened into an amused smile and she said "Sure, if you want to take a picture of me looking like this!" She was being humble, but all I saw was a beautiful woman in front of me. And - in spite of my preconceived notions about this place - not snooty in the least. Pat was lovely and accommodating, though she didn't know me from Adam. I moved in closer and got a shot of us too:

Hair stylin' with Pat!

I chatted with Pat for a little bit, we said our goodbyes and I left the salon. This is where I started to realize that maybe my preconceived notions about the clientele here were possibly unfair. I'm sure the stereotypes exist there, but Jill was not one of them. Neither was Pat. Maybe I shouldn't judge a book by its cover -- or in this case, location. In fact they were no nice to me, I felt empowered to keep going. Preconceived notion #2: shot down.

But now I was becoming desperate for a rejection. I only have so much stamina for this. I'm typically an introverted person, so my tolerance for putting myself out there repeatedly in one day is low. I'm not exactly proud of what I did next, but I did learn a lesson from it: I wouldn't make a request like this of someone again. I just felt too guilty about it afterward.

Jacki mentioned in an earlier post that she didn't want to feel like she was messing with people. Up until last Friday I never felt that way about this challenge. Sometimes though, you have cross your own boundaries in order to know where your boundaries are. And I was in the mood to test my boundaries.

After the salon I went to grab lunch, where I spent time thinking of something distasteful I could ask of a stranger. I was being too nice, I thought, and asking in too polite a manner to get rejected.  And I was feeling emboldened by the great interactions at the salon. So as I was leaving Whole Foods I approached someone in the parking lot with the worst request I could think of and not get punched in the face--a one way ticket to Rejection City: "Hi, I don't want to bother you, but I'm looking for someone to vouch for where I was last night with my boyfriend. He is suspicious of me and I don't know what to do. I know it's a lot to ask of a stranger, but if I call him, would you be willing to talk to him and tell him you were with me?"

I think my heart has not pounded so hard during this entire challenge as it did then. I wasn't sure I would, but I did get rejected. And then I felt bad. Actually I felt a bit creepy. Nothing bad happened of course, but that fabrication was beyond what I was ok with. But hey, it got me rejected so it wasn't a total loss.

To add insult to injury, I continued to ask other women for selfies with me and eventually got turned down for that too. Why bother with that when I was past my threshold and had already gotten rejected? Well, I wasn't sure I even wanted to blog about the "boyfriend" one, so I needed a backup rejection. But, I think the lesson learned here was a good one, and it does make things more interesting.

Day 12: All The World's a Stage

I'm writing this rejection a couple days late because... well I have no excuse. I was lazy and then busy. But I did get rejected on Friday in perhaps the best way yet.

I had an audition to prepare for and was on a tight schedule to learn my sides and do the homework. In fact I had only about an hour before I had to go put it on tape. So I took a lunch break at Octane once again -- Octane seems to be THE place to have a great rejection experience -- audition sides in hand, ordered my usual salad and sat down to work. Then it occurred to me that this would provide a good "in" with someone or other to get rejected. I glanced around the room and settled on a group of three strangers sitting directly in front of me engaged in conversation.

"Excuse me," I said as I approached. "You look kind of busy but I was wondering if you would help me run some lines? I have an audition later today and not much time to learn my part." At first they hesitated, and the young man in the group said that they were actually about to leave soon so they probably couldn't help me. I said that's ok no problem, but then one of the girls sitting in the huddle said "Well I don't know, it's ok, we can help," and mentioned that she has done a little bit of acting herself. She was very cheery. The third person, a very pregnant young lady, looked mildly annoyed at the entire exchange and didn't say much but her companions became increasingly enthusiastic about the whole thing. So, I grabbed my script, gave them a copy and we ran through it a couple of times. It was actually fun! I thanked them several times when we were done (I really was grateful!), went back to my table and thought "That was awesome! Now what?"

They left and I regrouped. Ate some salad, read my sides a bunch more times, looked around the room again. Repeat. Finally I settled on two young ladies that I thought would surely reject me. They were busy talking, had their laptops open-- definitely occupied with other matters. So I approached them, and asked again "Excuse me, I hope I'm not bothering you but would you be willing to help me run some lines..." One of the young ladies got up and walked away because she was on the phone and wanted to have a private conversation. I looked at the other one and said "I think I just scared your friend away!" but she was warm and friendly and assured me that I wasn't intruding. "Sure I'd be happy to help you out! That sounds interesting!" Um, ok, I asked if she was sure because she looked really busy? "Oh no this is nothing" pointing to the spread of personal effects on the table, then chirped "It's no problem!" She was so freaking pleasant I actually felt bad for bothering them. But again I ran back to my table, grabbed my script, handed her a copy and we did the scene. When we were done we introduced ourselves and shook hands. I thanked her several times again and went back to my table.

By now I've got my audition down pat but I still haven't gotten rejected. But I've gotta get the hell out of there now to get to my taping appointment. Alas, maybe this wasn't the place my rejection was going to go down. Maybe I had to try again later. So I packed up and started out the door.

Heading out I noticed a young lady sitting alone at a table, buried in her phone texting, with a puss on her face. I don't know what came over me but the words started pouring out of my mouth almost involuntarily. I swear it wasn't me talking, but I was saying the words. "You look sad." I stopped at her side and remarked. She looked up as if to say "who the hell are you?" "No I'm fine, I'm ok." Awkward smile, look back down. "Ok. I just thought you looked really sad. Do you want me to give you a hug?" I asked, smiling ear to ear. "No no. I'm fine, thanks." she said, clearly wanting to be left alone. "Ok," I said, "I hope you feel better!" and hurried out the door. Then the aliens left my body and I retained all memories of what had just transpired.

That kind of thing... is not me. I just don't approach people like that. Even considering it makes me feel nervous and shaky. The prospect of humiliation stops me in my tracks.  But for this challenge, I'm finding that the less I think about it, the more able I am to do these things that are totally outside my comfort zone. I didn't believe I just said that to the girl sitting there, but I was in a hurry to leave and therefore didn't give myself a chance to fail. I went for it before any second thoughts could prevent me. And it worked.

If I ever complain about having to find someone to run lines with in the future, I am going to shut my trap and go to Octane. Clearly, that is the place to be if you need to rehearse your audition.