Today I had therapy for the first time in a month. I've been seeing the same therapist for over 2.5 years either once a week or every other week, with some skipped appointments here and there, but otherwise consistently. That's ... a lot of therapy. I've been cutting back lately for a few reasons and during my last visit I asked for a larger break. Hence, a month away.
So today felt a little weird. You see, one of the things I've identified as an area for improvement within therapy is letting people in and being okay with interdependence (as opposed to co-dependence) ... and my therapist's style includes practicing in the room what you want to learn outside the room ... which means she pushes me to feel connected to her and she expresses any feelings of connection to me. What I'm trying to say is that being gone for a month was somewhat personal. Coming back felt like a good time to push myself and benefit both my rejection therapy and my regular, old psychoanalytical therapy.
She came into the waiting room and I immediately bailed in my head. I didn't feel like I could do it. The next thing I know, I'm in the therapy room and therapy continues as normal (there really is no "normal," but you know what I mean). GRRR! As I got up to leave 50 minutes later I felt a sudden whoosh of courage and ... I asked for a hug! She said, "Of course!" and gave me a nice hug.
This was huge for me. I've probably already over-shared about my personal goals with therapy and such, but it could be a really key defining moment. I guess time will tell, but for today, I'm just excited that I had the courage to ask.
Being I am a huge fan of hugs both in my professional and personal life, I am congratulate you for your ask and hope you do it again! And the insight about interdependence and co-dependence really got me thinking...I see hugs and connection . Early in my professional career, I used to feel embarrassed and a little awkward hugging but now it has become just a part of who I am. And my comfort with the hug, I think has provided others the ability to be comfortable...or maybe I just tell myself that but it certainly feels like most don't mind and some might acutally like it. Of course there are still a few people in both my professional and personal life, that no matter want don't like hugs and that's okay too...they just have to put up with me. Yay for hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Julie! I think human connection is ultimately what sustains us emotionally. It's the antithesis to depression and some other emotional issues. When we let ourselves become closed off and scared to connect with others, it's bad news bears! HUGS!
Delete