Jacki's Wrap-up Post

Hi guys. We're half-way through October and I'm just now wrapping up Rejection Therapy. No time like the present. First, here's the "what" of how things turned out ...

- I had 23 blog-worthy rejections
- I had at least 30 total rejections
- I did not get rejected every day because of days that I never left home and it just didn't happen

So, I guess with the original intention, I didn't quite make it since we did say to do it every day.

My eye, obviously.

What did I learn or gain? Well, I want to keep it short since one thing I learned is that people really don't care all that much when you look at our blog views :) So I'll just pick the top things.

1. Pamela and I are now better friends. I appreciate having her in my life. We are as similar as we are different and we are both very open, it makes for a lot of learning.
2. I do not like toying with people, hence the rule changes I made. At the same time, sometimes what I think of as toying with people is more about my own fears and insecurities and self-consciousness and fear of, yes, rejection. This was mostly learned during my favorite rejection.
3. It reminded me of my biases and preferences to talk to people who are like me. White, similarly dressed, not too attractive. Also preferring men to women. I want to keep challenging these preferences when I need directions or help. Every time I do it, I break down my biases just a little bit more. 
4. I fulfilled a secret dream of approaching a police officer. Police officers scare me and they shouldn't. Not to get into recent news, but in general, police officers are there to help and I still fear them because of teenaged and college shenanigans that could have gotten me arrested (but thankfully didn't).
5. Hugs and chest bumps from strangers are awesome.
6. I'm very grateful for this experience, which was all the more important as I've decided to take a perhaps permanent break from therapy.
7. It's good to find reasons to leave the house when you work from home and on your own. I've definitely done better at that since doing Rejection Therapy--I think it pushed me in the right direction!

Overall, Rejection Therapy confirmed some things I already knew, but don't always keep in mind. People are usually more awesome than you expect, personal interaction makes you feel better, and stepping outside your comfort zone is usually rewarding.

I plan on asking more strangers for hugs, or even friends when it might not be expected. If I need a hug, there's no reason I can't have one! I plan to continue pushing myself when I see opportunities for more connection with others or facing my fear of the almighty NO.

Lastly, thank you to Pamela for getting me involved in this mess. I enjoyed it. Toodles.

Day 29: Baby I can drive your car

As I mentioned in Day 28's post, my friend Norma provided me with several good ideas for rejections. One of them was to go up to a valet at a nice restaurant and ask if I could park cars for them. So that's what I did.

Day 29 was a Monday night and I was getting home from work pretty late so I didn't have a lot of time to pick and choose where to go. There are a bunch of nice restaurants near me however so I picked one as my target. As I drove into the parking lot I spotted the valet, who was on his cell phone. So I parked, and I waited. And I waited some more. Still on his phone. This obviously wasn't a call about retrieving someone's vehicle. I speculated as to who might be keeping him so wrapped up... probably a girl. So I drove around a bit and came back. Still on the phone! At this point I felt like either a stalker or a P.I. so I decided to move on. I wonder if that slacker still has his job?

Onto the next nice restaurant. I pulled into the parking lot and saw a young man in uniform milling about the valet area. Here he is! My next rejection! I walked up to him and struck up a conversation but didn't pitch my request right away.

"What are the qualifications for being a valet?"

"Do they make you drive an obstacle course?"

"Do you have to have a GA state license?"

Those were some of my questions to get the conversation started. I positioned myself as someone who was looking for extra work, hence the inquiries. Will was the young man's name who was helping me out, and he was soon joined by his brother George. They both worked for the same valet company and were on duty together that night. Both Will and George were exeptionally helpful. They went so far as to offer to put me in touch with their manager and make sure my job application got through ok. Now that's professional service!

By the time I got to my request, the conversation machine was well oiled. "Hey, would you guys let me park a car or two for you? Like, now, tonight? I feel like I should see what it's like to do this before I apply for a job..."

"Oh, no! George exclaimed. "You might wreck it. We can't let you do that!" We all laughed at my suggestion and I said "I guess you're right. I don't want to get you fellas in trouble!"

I made a little more small talk and thanked them profusely for their excellent assistance, and went on my way home.

By the way, there are no specific qualifications for a valet except be of legal age to drive. Yes, some places make you drive an obstacle course (the higher end venues) and no, as long as your license is valid, it doesn't have to be from GA.

I didn't quite make that turn.

Day 28: You'll never find another rejection like mine

I'm closing in on the home stretch now. Only a couple mores rejections to go. Only a few more episodes of heart palpitations and sweaty armpits. I'm almost there!!

I said something like the above to my friend Norma, whom I have previously mentioned as the gardening influence in my life and overall good friend. Norma and I were on a shopping trip for garden stuff and dog stuff (the dog stuff won out) on Day 28. While stopping for lunch at a local market, Norma and I discussed several good rejection ideas, one of which I used on Day 29. But I ended up going with a familiar theme of asking someone to sing a song with me, only this time doing it slightly differently.

Since my previous request to sing with a stranger actually worked, I needed to tweak my approach. I'd ask someone who looked busy and I'd have a specific song in mind. In fact, I printed out the lyrics to my chosen song and brought them with me on our outing that day in case I decided to try this rejection again. I'm not sure why I thought those tweaks would work, because they didn't, at first...

I saw a woman standing near the door as Norma and I were lunching. She looked like she was waiting for someone but was kind of fidgety so I thought maybe she's in a hurry and will say no. I went over to her and said:

Al was pleased with my rendition of his famous tune.

"I know this is a random question, but you know the song 'You're Gonna Miss My Loving' by Al Jarreau?" She didn't know, so I sang some of it to her. Badly. "Oh yeah I know the song!" she finally remembered.

"Great!" I said. "Would you be willing to sing it with me? Here, I have the lyrics and everything." I showed her my print out. She smiled and laughed. "Ok, sure yeah." Darnit! Oh well, here go. I'm obligated. We're gonna sing. Right here, in this market.

"Oh, okay, well come over here to our table and we'll sing to my friend. She's going to take pictures of us, are you ok with that?"

"Yeah that's fine!" more laughing....

"Cool. Oh, I'm going to post the pictures on the internet. You're sure you're ok still?"

More smiles, "Yeah that's ok, I don't mind."

I asked her name and we shook hands. Linda, lovely name. Linda and I stood next to each other in the middle of the restaurant area, and we belted out the first stanza of our best Al Jarreau, like so:

We had a good laugh and I thanked her several times before I went back to my seat and giggled at our performance.

But, I still needed a rejection, which came later that day as Norma and I were in the pet store cooing over little doggie sweaters. I saw a guy standing alone and approached him with the same request I had made to Linda. He was pretty young so he had no idea who Al Jarreau was and definitely got the "Is she crazy?" look on his face. "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to pass on that," he said as he let out a nervous laugh. I did try to push him a little but I got my rejection and was ready to head home, so I thanked him and left.

Whew! That was a fun one. Linda was awesome. And I am once again astounded that the people I think will say no often end up being the first to say yes.

Day 27: Sit, stay.

Day 27 was another low key rejection. And by "low key" I mean lame. I have gotten into this pattern of doing some really good, risky ones and then falling back on one or two half-assed rejections as a sort of recovery period. You could say it's a lot like training for a marathon. I'm not suggesting it's the best way to do this challenge, but it's kind of worked out that way.

So my 27th rejection consisted of me taking advantage of the various people in various states of frustration at the dog park one Saturday afternoon. I take one of my dogs there when I can, and this particular day there was a young man who was having some trouble keeping his pup under control. The dog was young and wasn't causing any harm. He just needed to learn some dog park etiquette. So, I went up to the guy and remarked on his situation and asked if I could work with the pup for a while and teach him to sit. I've gotten Delia to respond to the sit command almost robotically. Unfortunately I can't say the same for her with some other commands... Anyway, the guy turned me down but appreciated my offer of help. I would have totally done it too. With a few treats it only takes some patience to teach a dog to respond to certain vocabulary and it makes for a better doggie park experience! Maybe he'll take me up on it next time.

I don't know whose dog this is but I want him.

Day 26: Say hello to my imaginary friend

After a long week of struggling to make myself go out there and get rejected, I was glad when Jacki met up with me for drinks and some food last Friday night. (Check out her rejection from that night too!) I had a few ideas in my head for mine, which I ran by her when we met up. She laughed at one of them and thought the other was just "meh", so I decided to go with the one that got the laughs.

We ordered our goodies (I've said before I have a thing about getting rejected where there's food nearby... I need to explore this with a therapist) and were nearing the end of a delicious meal when I said Ok, I gotta do this. Jacki pointed out a table of three young men sitting together in a huddle, so I got up and went over.

"Excuse me, I wanted to ask you fellas a favor. Would you be willing to draw a picture of me with my imaginary friend? Not my real friend (referring to Jacki) but my imaginary friend. I have paper you can use, and a pen!" I pulled paper and pen out of my purse. Yes, I came to the bar with supplies ready specifically for this rejection.

The three of them looked at each other like they were wondering if they heard me right, and got tentative, uncomfortable smiles on their faces. I hate to admit it but their initial hesitation just fueled my desire to push their buttons. I'm not as considerate as Jacki I guess. "Anyone?? How about you?" I pointed to one of them. Silence. Looks around the table. Finally he shook his head and said "No...I'm sorry, I can't do that."

Dude in green was not impressed.

I looked at the guy on my other side "Would you do it?" He was giggling so I thought I could rope him into it. Even though I was already rejected, I wanted to see what would result from this exchange. He shook his head no through his tee hee's and I said "Come on!" a couple times, but to no avail. Rejected twice in the span of a minute! Not bad.

Finally I looked at the third guy with a hopeful smile. He and been quiet up to now, but he had a big grin on his face - part amused, part uncomfortable, but the amused part was winning out. He seemed to think this was all very funny, unlike the other two. I pleaded with him and I finally got my wish! "Tell you what," he said. "You leave the paper and pen here with and I'll take care of you."

"Yay! I'll just be over there with my friend and when we're ready to leave I'll come and pick up your drawing, ok?" He agreed, and I practically skipped backed to my seat I was so glad that he was going to do it.

On the way out I went back over and asked if he had drawn the picture. I thought he was going to back out, but he flipped the paper over and handed me this:

One big happy family!

Ok, so not what I was thinking, but who knows how others perceive our imaginary friends? He added the initials after I went back, btw. He asked my name, Jacki's name (I don't know why he kept mistaking her for my imaginary friend) and in the middle there is one of his buddies that refused my request, Anderson. I think he drew a picture of happy non-traditional family. Or maybe Anderson is jumping on our shoulders cheerleader-style. I can't be sure. But after two rejections, to come out with this Picasso is a victory in my eyes.

Rejection #23: I'll have to ask the manager

Well, the last day of Rejection Therapy has come and gone. I don't know for sure if I made it to 30 rejections, certainly not 30 solid, blog-worthy ones. But I did learn a lot. I want to tell you about one last good one, and hopefully I'll get to a wrap-up post soon.

Source:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/05/sports/baseball/05bar.html

I was at Olde Blind Dog with fellow bootcamper, Pamela. We were almost the only women in there, and definitely the only women not with men. A couple different baseball games were on the bar TVs and we were sitting on stools basically in the middle. We made friends with the bartender pretty quickly. Then my brilliant plan came to me.

I had to muster some acting skills to keep a straight face. In front of a camera, it's easy for me to keep a straight face and stay in character. In a bar, I found it more difficult as I giggled even thinking about asking the bartender what I wanted to ask him. So I closed my eyes and pretended it was a scene. Then I asked him ...

"So, my friend and I just came from my place and we were watching this really great movie on Lifetime. But then we wanted to get a drink so we came here. Is there any way you can change one of these TVs to Lifetime so we can watch the ending?"

... so far, straight face ...

He immediately bowed his head and kinda looked away. He clearly bought it and felt bad, but knew he couldn't say "Yes". He looked up and said, "I'll have to ask my manager." I started laughing. Not because I couldn't keep a straight face, but because I felt guilty. Then he said, "Y'all are f*cking with me aren't you? Thank god." I nodded my head and we all laughed together.

Afterwards, Pamela and I discussed. She asked me why I felt the need to break character. I told her that I felt bad, I didn't want him to go ask his manager. After we talked it through though, I realized that him doing that would have been fine ... it wasn't very busy, it wouldn't have killed him, and it would have pushed me through some discomfort. I wish I'd kept it going longer, but it was still hilarious.

Day 25: Rejected by the nurse

Last Thursday I was at the doctor's office for an appointment. I hate going to the doctor. I'm one of those people who would rather be 9 toes in the grave than go to the doctor under most circumstances. But sometimes, you gotta go. Er... you know what I mean.

Anyway a very friendly nurse helped me to settle into an exam room - even got me a blanket to wrap up in because I had remarked how the air conditioning was on full blast and the room was cold. She tucked me in and made sure I was comfortable. What a great nurse! As she was on her way out, I called after her - "Hey wait! I feel very cozy now--but would you give me a back massage too?"

She laughed and said a resounding "Nooooo!" Actually it was more like "NOOOO!" but she was laughing at the idea, not put off at all. She said they don't let them do stuff like that, but the doctor would be in soon.

"Bummer. Okay well thanks anyway!" That was my only reply. I really was bummed. Jacki has followed the rule of asking for something you really want, and while I don't follow that all the time, I really wanted a back massage. Maybe I need to go see a specialist.

I've never seen anyone with that condition!

Day 24: Chocolate and Birthdays: the Sequel

Day 24 finds me back at my favorite chocolate shop, drooling from anticipation but mostly recovered from the withdrawal convulsions I had since that Monday. I walked into the shop and ordered several of my favorite dark chocolate pretzels and stepped to the side to wait for my little package of deliciousness to be ready.

While waiting a very pleasant young lady came into the shop and was asking all sorts of questions about the chocolates there. She was precious, so polite and unassuming. While she was interrogating the clerk she mentioned that it was her birthday. "Oh nice!" I piped up from behind my phone. "We have to sing Happy Birthday to you!" I shouted, reliving fond memories from Day 15.

"Oh my God.... Nooooo," she said. She had a genuine look of fear on her face, like she was actually scared and not just faking it in hopes that we would try and convince her. But I tried anyway.

"Oh come on! It's your birthday! Let us sing to you, okay?" I insisted, to no avail. I insisted a few times but the look of terror on her face grew a touch more piteous with each prodding, so I let it go. I didn't want to give the birthday girl a heart attack after all.

I think that qualifies as a rejection, yes? It was cute and pitiful and she was so sweet I just wanted to hug her and kiss her on the forehead. Maybe I should have done and made all her worries go away.

Wherever you are birthday girl, here's to you.

Day 23: "My position on cake is pro-eating it"

Gratuitous food porn

I've noticed that a lot of my rejections occur in places to eat. I don't plan it that way, but somehow it works out like that a lot. I guess I like to eat, and Tuesday's rejection was right on schedule. It took place with our recurring character Juan Martin at Loving Hut restaurant.

Juan and I had just gone for a run at Chastain Park. I love that place. It's so picturesque and a couple of laps around the park will give you a good, long workout. The sidewalks can be slim though, so you have to be careful when passing other exercisers.

I was contemplating getting rejected at the park, and Juan suggested I find the coach of a boy's football game that was taking place on a field below and ask him if I could play. I thought that was P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S, but I hesitate to do stuff like that. Last thing I need is for some overprotective parent to arrange it so I end up on the evening news. So I passed on that idea. In fact, I shied away from several opportunities for rejection at the park, which was a real shame. So many people, so many possible rejections. I was finding it harder than normal to approach people last week though. Some days are harder than others, and I had a lot of hard days last week.

After our run Juan and I went to eat, where he gave me another idea: give the restaurant manager a sob story about how my boyfriend just left me and I have no furniture in my place, so would they let me take a small table and chairs off their hands? I decided that was the one! Plus, it was getting late and I had to close a deal soon.

After we finished eating I went up to the wait staff and made my plea. I didn't include the boyfriend stuff, just told them I had fallen on some hard times and had little furniture in my apartment, so would they consider donating a set to me? I'd even buy it off of them if they insisted.

The waiter said I'd have to talk to the manager who was not in, but he was pretty sure they didn't donate items from the restaurant. I couldn't take any home with me that night. But he was so super nice about it, he encouraged me to come back later in the week and talk to the manager about my predicament. I thanked him for his kindness and we took off.

One of the reasons I like Loving Hut is not just the food, but even when you are rejected they treat you with kindness and consideration. They may have thought I fell off my swing set, but never once did they treat me with anything less than respect. I love giving places like that my business.

Day 22: A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands

Day 21 was another low-key rejection but I felt good about it because I wasn't asking something outrageous just for the sake of getting rejected. I was in a helping mood. This one's pretty short too, so it'll be easy on your eyes.

No dark chocolate pretzels? The Emperor will be displeased.

After work I stopped at my favorite chocolate shop near my house to get some dark chocolate pretzels. But they were out! So I left, crying tears of despair and chocolate withdrawal as I hid my face in my hands.

On my way back to my car, I saw a woman pushing a cart bursting with groceries towards her van which was parked next to me. As I came around to get in my car I asked her if I could help her load her groceries in her vehicle?

She very politely turned me down. I even asked if she was sure and said I was happy to help, but she didn't need no steenkin' help.  What was I to do but go home and plot my revenge on the unfortunate chocolate shop... whom I visited again in two days and not only got my pretzels, but got a rather cute rejection out of it. Stay tuned!

(Non-)Rejections #20, #21, and #22: Let's get physical

I've noticed a theme with my rejection attempts lately. They often involve physical contact or silly games or something. Here's three of them that weren't necessarily consecutive days.

(Non-)Rejection #23: This was actually tonight. I asked someone outside of a restaurant to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with me to help Candace and I make a decision. I chose this woman in particular because she's someone I normally wouldn't approach and may inadvertently make assumptions about based on her appearance. 

When I asked her for a favor, her face lit up and she was incredibly sweet for the entire exchange. Here's the kicker, I only asked for a game to ONE because I didn't want to hold someone up or anything ... well, it took eight rounds for someone to win! That's right, we threw the same thing seven times in a row. She joked that we must have the same brain or something ... a conversation I certainly didn't expect to have with a stranger today. 

(And despite my RPS prowess, she won. FLUKE! Fluke, I tell you.)

(Non-)Rejection #21: I was inside Starbucks working, and passively thinking about rejections in the back of my mind, when a guy sat down at an outside table. His chair hit the window so I felt a small jolt to my leather chair that was also touching the window. It dawned on me how odd it was that we were sitting back-to-back, with no acknowledgement and no actual space between us. Just a window and two chair backs. Our heads were a foot apart. I felt opportunity knocking. I wanted to write him a message and show it through the window. I decided on the following:

If you look closely, you can see that I wrote this on the back of a photocopied page of a play, complete with highlighting (that sentence mostly for my actor friends). BUT, to get it written I had to borrow a pen. To get to the point, by the time I borrowed a pen and wrote the sign, the guy was gone. I kept working and no one else ever sat down at that table. I never got to use my sign.

Later as I was leaving I realized that I still hadn't been rejected, nor had I attempted a rejection. As I walked out the door, I literally jumped in front of a different outdoor table with a young couple sitting and drinking coffee and said, "Will one of y'all give me a high five?!?" That's when I realized they were probably about 16 and I got the death stare that their parents probably get daily. (Sigh, teenagers!) 

BUT, it turns out when you raise your hand for a high five, people have an instinctual response to raise their hand. I went towards the guy with my raised hand and he begrudgingly held his up with a very confused look as I gave him a solid five. Then I turned to the girl and she basically did the same thing. Then I ran away. I'm almost positive the death stares followed me.

I hope I'm doing this story justice because it's hilarious in my head. The important point for me is that I didn't hesitate, I just jumped into it. I think it was a step. That's about the clearest thought I have about it at this point, other than it made me laugh a few times throughout the day when I remembered their faces ... and getting that look from two teenagers DEFINITELY felt like rejection, even though they let me high five them. 

(Non-)Rejection #22: I was leaving a musical in downtown Greenville ("Once"--so good!) and again realized it was late and I hadn't been rejected. I saw a guy on a bench en route to the car. I asked him to give me a chest bump. Keep in mind, this is how I was dressed, complete with 4-inch heels:

With my sister, Christine, at dinner before the musical <3

He seemed a bit surprised, but also immediately willing to help. He stood up but was hesitant, so I felt like I needed to put him at ease about chest bumping me. I said, "I just want to go home saying I chest bumped a stranger, that's really it." We went for it pretty solidly right after that. I thanked him and he said, "Was that good enough? Want another one?" I giggled and ran off saying "No! That was great, thank you!" Oh, what must people think of my recent shenanigans ... 

What I learned from this one is that it's kind of unfair to ask someone lounging on a bench alone at 11pm looking like a hippie. They're often so kind and open, I might want to push myself a little harder :) But his openness and fantastic attitude made me smile and I'm glad for our chest bump!

So, no rejections in this blog, but lots of solid attempts and fun experiences.

I'm skipping a great story here, but I want to give it more time and I gave up on staying in order on these blogs already ... #23 is going to be fun, and I had to use some serious acting skills. So watch for it!

Days 20 & 21: A little breather

If you've read my post about my rejection and lessons learned on Day 19 then it may come as no surprise that I needed a little respite after that one. Not a respite from Rejection Boot Camp, but respite from being overly bold for my own comfort. And a respite I took. In fact, I'm combining Days 20 & 21 because they're pretty low key.

Day 20: Shopping at Pike's for plants for my balcony garden - which I do almost every weekend and is a hobby I picked up thanks to friend and fellow actress Norma - I couldn't decide between two begonia plants to go in my kitchen. Did I say balcony garden? Yeah I wanted something for that, but ended up getting an indoor begonia plant. They were so beautiful I couldn't resist. At checkout I asked the clerk if I could have both plants for the price of one? Er, no. Rejected.  So I bought one and went home.

I liked the begonias so much that I went back the next day and got the other one anyway. Rejected *and* double the trips. Woo!

I got this color and an orange one.

Day 21: So I went back to Pike's and invited my friend Juan to meet me there and then go for dinner. There's a Thai place we like to go in Buckhead that serves consistently delicious food. I bought my second pot of begonias, then Juan and I made our way to dinner, where I informed him that he was going to help me get rejected today.

When we got to the restaurant we looked around for some targets. Seeing as how I'm always cold, Juan said I should ask someone for their jacket. Not a bad idea... I saw a woman sitting across the room with a very nice looking wrap around her shoulders. She was having dinner with a friend, which made it that much more daunting to interrupt them, but since the rules of Rejection Therapy tell you to follow your fear, I decided this was a good thing.

I went over and told the woman that I really loved her wrap. "Oh thank you so much!" she lit up immediately, and had a big warm smile on her face! I know this is about getting rejected, but I am always glad when I make someone smile like that. It's a bonus! And she was so happy to hear that I had admired her couture from across the room.

"Listen, I don't suppose you'd want to sell it to me, would you?" I asked. At first, she jokingly asked me how much, but before I could name a price, she said "Actually, I wouldn't sell it. I got this on a trip to India last year and I don't want to part with it. But thank you so much for asking me!"

"Oh, I would not want you to part with it in that case," I replied. I was sincere, plus I was just rejected, so no need to press the issue. I told her again how lovely it was and she let me feel the material. Very soft. I thanked her for allowing me to inquire about it, told her what great taste she had and went back to my table.

On the way out the door I turned to Juan - who was laughing at me the whole time - and complained to him I was still shaking from going over the lady and interrupting her dinner. I have gotten a lot better at approaching strangers but it still gets me sometimes.

Anyway, the weekend of "respite rejections" was a success.

Day 19: Jill, Pat and my guilty conscience

"Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy." 

-- E. H. Chapin

As I write about last Friday's rejection, I am reflecting on how we all make judgments about those around us--judgments which are often not only unfair but unfounded. I am as guilty as anyone, but Day 19 was school day for me, in more ways than one as you will see if you read this entire post.

After dropping off one of my dogs at the vet that morning for a dental cleaning, I went to have my hair cut. I go to an upscale salon in the heart of a wealthy part of town. You can imagine the clientele there, and then there's me. I've always thought the women that go there must be sophisticated and probably somewhat snooty. They would surely reject me because....well, because! I'll just admit it, they intimidate me. At least, they did.

First, there was Jill. Jill didn't have a clue the mental gymnastics I was doing when she sat near me under the big hair dryers. I had been sitting for a while and had already let two other ladies come and go without trying to talk to them. I was too afraid. I tried to bring myself to do it, but the old familiar sweats and heart pounding set in. I kept telling myself to go for it, that I had been doing great in spite of my nerves up to now. But by the time Jill sat next to me I wanted to go home. Somehow, I finally got up the nerve to speak to her. To my relief, Jill was warm and friendly right off the bat. A real pleasure to talk to!

Jill had foils in her hair, which was going every which way as hair tends to do during a coloring. I had wet hair coated with treatment, no makeup. Not a glamorous moment.

"I'm writing a blog about interacting with strangers," I said to Jill. "Would you mind if I took a picture of us under these hair dryers and posted it on my blog?" I thought, even as friendly as she was, Jill is not going to let me take her picture like this and post it online.

"Sure!" she laughed. She thought the idea was fun and had no hangups. I asked her two or three times if she was sure, but she was all for it. "That's fine!" she laughed some more. "It sounds like fun!" More chit chat ensued of which I have little memory because I was so nervous. Then I took our portrait. Preconceived notion #1 was officially shot down.

Me and Jill, getting purtied up at the salon

Ok maybe Jill was an anomaly. Surely the other women at this place will reject me? I just have to try again. My courage was coming back, but my hair cutter was ready for me. I'd have to wait until after my service. *sigh*

On the way out after my cut, I spied Pat. Pat is a lovely woman who had an air of importance about her. This is it, I thought. Jill was awesome but this lady is going to reject me like dog poo on new shoes.

"Excuse me," I went up to her. "I'm writing a blog about interacting with strangers. Would you take a picture with me for my blog?"

Pat's visage opened into an amused smile and she said "Sure, if you want to take a picture of me looking like this!" She was being humble, but all I saw was a beautiful woman in front of me. And - in spite of my preconceived notions about this place - not snooty in the least. Pat was lovely and accommodating, though she didn't know me from Adam. I moved in closer and got a shot of us too:

Hair stylin' with Pat!

I chatted with Pat for a little bit, we said our goodbyes and I left the salon. This is where I started to realize that maybe my preconceived notions about the clientele here were possibly unfair. I'm sure the stereotypes exist there, but Jill was not one of them. Neither was Pat. Maybe I shouldn't judge a book by its cover -- or in this case, location. In fact they were no nice to me, I felt empowered to keep going. Preconceived notion #2: shot down.

But now I was becoming desperate for a rejection. I only have so much stamina for this. I'm typically an introverted person, so my tolerance for putting myself out there repeatedly in one day is low. I'm not exactly proud of what I did next, but I did learn a lesson from it: I wouldn't make a request like this of someone again. I just felt too guilty about it afterward.

Jacki mentioned in an earlier post that she didn't want to feel like she was messing with people. Up until last Friday I never felt that way about this challenge. Sometimes though, you have cross your own boundaries in order to know where your boundaries are. And I was in the mood to test my boundaries.

After the salon I went to grab lunch, where I spent time thinking of something distasteful I could ask of a stranger. I was being too nice, I thought, and asking in too polite a manner to get rejected.  And I was feeling emboldened by the great interactions at the salon. So as I was leaving Whole Foods I approached someone in the parking lot with the worst request I could think of and not get punched in the face--a one way ticket to Rejection City: "Hi, I don't want to bother you, but I'm looking for someone to vouch for where I was last night with my boyfriend. He is suspicious of me and I don't know what to do. I know it's a lot to ask of a stranger, but if I call him, would you be willing to talk to him and tell him you were with me?"

I think my heart has not pounded so hard during this entire challenge as it did then. I wasn't sure I would, but I did get rejected. And then I felt bad. Actually I felt a bit creepy. Nothing bad happened of course, but that fabrication was beyond what I was ok with. But hey, it got me rejected so it wasn't a total loss.

To add insult to injury, I continued to ask other women for selfies with me and eventually got turned down for that too. Why bother with that when I was past my threshold and had already gotten rejected? Well, I wasn't sure I even wanted to blog about the "boyfriend" one, so I needed a backup rejection. But, I think the lesson learned here was a good one, and it does make things more interesting.

Rejection #19: Same ask, totally different situation

I'm writing about TODAY even though I haven't caught up on previous rejections, and I've decided to stop worrying if my #s align with the dates. I will have 30 posts in the end and that's what matters to me. I want to tell you what happened today.

Today I had therapy for the first time in a month. I've been seeing the same therapist for over 2.5 years either once a week or every other week, with some skipped appointments here and there, but otherwise consistently. That's ... a lot of therapy. I've been cutting back lately for a few reasons and during my last visit I asked for a larger break. Hence, a month away.

So today felt a little weird. You see, one of the things I've identified as an area for improvement within therapy is letting people in and being okay with interdependence (as opposed to co-dependence) ... and my therapist's style includes practicing in the room what you want to learn outside the room ... which means she pushes me to feel connected to her and she expresses any feelings of connection to me. What I'm trying to say is that being gone for a month was somewhat personal. Coming back felt like a good time to push myself and benefit both my rejection therapy and my regular, old psychoanalytical therapy.

In light of a recent (non-)rejection, I decided in the waiting room that I would ask my therapist for a hug. (I hope I don't have to explain further why I feel this is sufficiently different from my previous "ask for a hug" non-rejection.) We've never hugged. I know she'd never hug me without me asking, and I would never ask ... until today. Part of me thought she'd be happy that I asked for a hug as a sign of feeling connected ... but part of me thought she might reject me for it being outside of her professional boundaries. I just really didn't know.

She came into the waiting room and I immediately bailed in my head. I didn't feel like I could do it. The next thing I know, I'm in the therapy room and therapy continues as normal (there really is no "normal," but you know what I mean). GRRR! As I got up to leave 50 minutes later I felt a sudden whoosh of courage and ... I asked for a hug! She said, "Of course!" and gave me a nice hug.

This was huge for me. I've probably already over-shared about my personal goals with therapy and such, but it could be a really key defining moment. I guess time will tell, but for today, I'm just excited that I had the courage to ask.

Slow work yields fine products

This is a short post to say I haven't accidentally flushed myself down a toilet or anything. I am alive and have Day 19 almost all written. Holy crap Day 19 was three days ago! I am officially lame. Sometimes I end up working long hours and life gets in the way and I have to write in small chunks, which isn't ideal. I have however been getting duly rejected! Lest you think I might have been slacking on fulfilling my daily rejections, perish the thought. I even had a witness to yesterday's rejection who will vouch for me.

In the meantime, here's a picture of a slow loris. I think it's appropriate that I post a photo of an animal who is as slow as I sometimes can be in getting things done. I should have a "real" post up tomorrow though.

Slow Loris says "Make it so."

I can be quick as a fox, but sometimes I'm as slow as this fella.

(Non-)Rejections #16, 17, and 18: Kittens, hugs, and dating advice

Another catchup post, but not all the way catching up. #18 is the best if you want to skip down :)

Rejection #16: I was at the nail salon paying for both a manicure and a pedicure, both "deluxe" because that means you get a shoulder massage that goes on forever. They offered to wax my brows, which I really needed, and would save me time getting ready that night ... I saw my opportunity. I asked if they would do them for free since I was already paying for two deluxe services. They said "No."

However, this seemed to open up a new line of conversation. We ended up joking and chatting despite the difficulty understanding each other's English. (I usually don't chat much at all at the nail salon, preferring to enjoy my pampering in peace.) The older lady even gave me dating advice, "Most important is no one perfect." I totally agree.

(Non-)Rejection #17: One day I wandered to a shopping center specifically looking for rejections. I noticed it was adoption day at PetSmart! So, of course, I went to torture myself by looking at all the dogs and cats that needed homes that I couldn't take home.

Not the kitten I held, but
another one I visited inside
in the "FurKids" room.

I wanted to hold a kitten (that's actually an ever-present state-of-being for me). It was daunting for me to ask because, in my experience, there is always at least one person working these adoptions that is just ... a jerkface. "Um, I gueeeessssss, if you sanitize your hands, but be caaaaareful" *snide face* ... or something equally stupid and power-trippy. Don't get me wrong, MOST volunteers are awesome animal people and I fully respect the job they're doing whether they are awesome or not ... but I tend to find the one who is, perhaps, not a people person. Or she finds me when she sees me trying to get my dirty, rotten hands on a kitten! Egads! Today was no different.

Important info, these kittens were three months old and had all their shots, so they were well-equipped to withstand my cuddles. Anyway, I asked one volunteer if I could hold a kitten. This was my non-rejection because I was nervous to ask, but I wanted it and he said "Yes." But, like I said, I still found the jerkface when I went to actually grab a kitten and she came out of nowhere and said all huffily, "Um, you know you have to take him inside, right? So he won't get startled and run off?" Legitimate question/request, annoying delivery. I basically didn't answer and just went inside with the kitten. The end.

(Non-)Rejection #18: I decided to ask a stranger for a hug. I had to stop by a restaurant and pick something up while the restaurant was closed.

...

Oh, screw it, I had to pick up my ID at "The Local" after leaving it there for five days because I used it to "rent" darts and forgot to pick it up and then had trouble getting there during open hours over the new few days (I mean, they don't open until 5pm, ever). Yes, I can be a mess. On this particular day, I had called earlier than they open and finally got an answer ... and someone told me I could come get my ID. He sounded nice. I decided I would ask him for a hug when I got there.

When I walked into the restaurant my heart was pounding. Why do we get so nervous for such silliness? It's certainly eye opening. Then I hear him say, "Your ID is right there," gesturing to a banister right by me. He's mopping across the room and the floor is wet. Okay, this was just too much. "What if he says 'Yes' even though the floor is wet and then I have to awkwardly make my way over there or him here and, and, and ..." I couldn't deal. I took my ID and left.

I was determined to get a hug from a stranger though. At this point I really wanted the hug in addition to my checkmark for the day! I ended up asking someone outside of a Whole Foods. I crept around him for a minute, asked him a stupid question, and then got the courage to ask for a hug. He very willingly obliged. He gave me a real, solid hug and then asked quietly, "Are you okay? Do you need anything else?" It was so sweet and genuine. I said that I was good and I just really wanted a hug and he said, "Anytime." I think if I'd been having an even slightly bad day, it might have made me cry. Too bad I can't really get a hug from him "anytime."

I have now decided a few things based on this experience:

1. Awesome people are awesome.
2. I kinda want to ask a stranger for a hug every day.
3. I can challenge myself more by avoiding the small talk, and also then avoid seeming creepy.

That's it for today's post, but I have more rejections to share. I will eventually catch up!

Day 18: This one was lame

I have to confess. Yesterday's rejection was lame. It had been a long day at work, I was tired and out of ideas. Funny how you can think of all kinds of ideas of what to ask people except when you are actually about to ask them.

Nothing going on in there

So, not much to this story. I took Delia to the dog park and thought about trying to get rejected there, but I was drawing a serious blank. So I played with her until she pooped out. Who am I kidding, I played with her until I pooped out. Afterward I drove to Alon's Bakery and Market to get something to drink. All that running around made me thirsty!

I have been to Alon's enough to know that their menu is pretty much set and that they don't do a lot of special orders. Still they are all about the customer experience so there was probably a 50-50 chance of getting a no. I thought, why not, I got nothing else. I went up to the bread counter and asked if they could make me a specific type of bread as a special order.

Nope.

I drank my juice and went home.

Hey, I've been putting myself out there a lot lately so I needed an easy one. But if you want something more juicy then you'll have to read my next post all about what has gone down today. My mind is already blown and I haven't even been rejected yet!

Thought for the day

I came across this gem on Facebook. I think it says it all.

Day 17: Sometimes you touch someone's heart

I'm finding that at this point in Rejection Boot Camp that I've shed most of my fear of approaching people. I still get a twang of nerves when approaching certain types of people. But, I am not hesitating to go after my objective as much as I was in the beginning. I definitely feel a shift in my attitudes and behavior towards people even when not actively trying to get rejected. I will post more about this separately, but for now, let's get down to the awesome, lovely experience I had yesterday.

I was out to lunch with a group of former coworkers. They are a super group of people for whom I have a great deal of professional respect and personal affection. We decided to meet up for lunch yesterday at a very yummy Indian restaurant.

We were nearing the end of our meal as I told my friends about this rejection challenge and that I still needed to get rejected for the day. I asked them if they would mind if I asked some random people in the room to join us at our table? We weren't quite ready to leave so there was still time in case someone said yes. They were all like "Yeah sure!" So I looked around the room and settled on an elderly pair lunching together. Something about them just drew me in.

I went over to their table and said "Excuse me, I hope I'm not interrupting your lunch, but I was admiring you both from over there. You seem like such a nice couple. Would you be interested in joining us at our table?"

They both lit up like Christmas trees, big smiles came over the faces! The man said "Well, we've already eaten our lunch and I'm afraid we're about to leave. But we would have loved to join you. It is so nice of you to ask us! Thank you so much!"  This man was beaming with joy. Maybe it was because it was unexpected. He was touched almost to the point of blushing.

"I'm Vera," said the woman next, with a huge, glowing smile. 'I'm his helper. That is John Bell."

"Hello Vera, hello John Bell. It is really good to meet you!" I shook both of their hands. "I hope it's ok that I asked you, I promise you I'm not creepy or anything." I laughed and so did they. "You're not creepy?" said John Bell, "Well then I'm afraid I won't fit in!" Big laughs all around.

I continued "It's just that you really look like nice people, and so warm, so I thought I'd come over and just ask. I hope that was okay."

Both of them said it was certainly ok, it was thoughtful and that they were honored. They really meant it, this was not a joke. Perhaps for the first time in my rejection challenge I wished someone would have said yes to me. I would have loved to have the company of those two kind souls.

I don't know if it was the generational gap, or just the fact that a stranger thought enough of them to want to invite them for a meal, but it was really heart warming to see their reaction. I dare say I made their afternoon a little happier. I thanked them, told them how much I enjoyed meeting them, and went back to my table. As we were leaving the restaurant I said my goodbyes again. I really wanted to hug those two. If they said said yes I would have still considered this day a success.

For further reading, check out this article about the benefits of relationships between generations.

Passive Rejection

Only my second blog and it feels more challenging than 17 days of rejection. Maybe it's because it's mostly been passive rejection for me recently. I don't always specifically go after one, but when it happens, I count it.

The big one for me lately was my very first singing audition. This one falls under the 'out of my comfort zone' category. But it's also been long enough that I know I didn't get the job, so... double rejection?
Look people, I don't sing. Someone once criticized me and it hurt my precious, little ego to the core.
When I got the invite to the callback, I responded with a 'thanks, but I don't sing, so I'll have to pass'. They countered with a 'don't worry about it, it's not a huge part of the job, bring what you got'.
 Fine. I'll go and count that shit towards my challenge.
I was terrified. I wanted to puke for at least 3 days before that audition.
Well, when I got there the CD player they were using wasn't working. This was going to be an a capella audition.
Oh! Did I mention that every other person there WAS a singer? Yea...
They were nice and all, but all I saw was

Ok, so basically... did it. It wasn't horrible, but not anything to be proud of, obviously. I hear my acting coach saying 'no one has ever died from being uncomfortable'. It's true. I didn't die.

Day 16: Everybody needs somebody sometime

Since it took me so long to land a rejection on Monday, I am determined to get an earlier start from now on. On the way in to work I stopped at Starbucks. After I put in my order and went to wait for my drink I noticed one guy also waiting in line who looked rather bored and on the verge of falling asleep.

"Hey do you want to dance while we wait?" I remarked to him.

"Yeah, I know, right?" he replied. Um, I guess he thought I was joking. I didn't pursue it any further. I am still struggling with when to press for a definite answer. I don't want to come across as creepy but I feel like part of going for a specific outcome is being persistent with one person. I've been getting better at it, but for whatever reason I decided to drop it for the time being.

Later on as I was exchanging some makeup at Ulta I spied this older woman who seemed a little lost. I decided to revisit yesterday's requests and said "Hey you want to sing along with me?" referring to the music that was playing in the store. "Yeah, sure!" she said. She too thought I was joking, which I could tell from the way she replied and then went right back to looking for whatever it was she was there for.

Something wasn't right here. I realized I was approaching people like it's a joke when I should be making it clear that I'm serious, even if I smile or laugh. Maybe that is why people were so willing to play along on Day 15. Maybe I have to be clear that I making a serious request.

Fast forward to after work, I am out of dog food and Petco carries one of the few brands I buy. So I stopped there, determined to exit with a bag of dog food and a fistful of rejection. I had been wanting to get a stranger to dance with me but I pooped out on that idea after Starbucks. But... what if I didn't ask someone to do something for me? What if I asked them if I could do something for them instead?

A few minutes later I turned a corner in the store and came face to face with another customer, a middle-aged woman who looked kind of sad and tired. "Excuse me.... Can I teach you how to swing dance?" I said with a poker face. Ok I smiled, but I was definitely more serious about it than I had been at the other places. She put her hand up to make a stop sign and said "I don't think now is a good time, but thank you." Even as she refused my request her whole body kind of relaxed because she was smiling at the silliness of it all. She even managed to laugh a little. But her weariness came through loud and clear.

I'm glad I was able to give that woman a moment of amusement. These interactions I am having with people have been really fun for the most part. But, not everyone I encounter will always be in a good state of mind. Maybe she just didn't sleep well? Maybe she was really troubled by something. As much fun as I have had and have given other people, there's no reason I can't also hold someone up who needs it.  I wish instead of darting off I had asked her if she was ok, or if she needed anything.

I've definitely got that filed away if it should happen again.

Rejections #14 & 15: No free dinner

Alright, catchup post time.

Rejection #14: I went to a birthday dinner and ended up next to someone new. We chatted for a lot of dinner, very cool guy. He had to leave early and as he was getting ready to go, I asked him to pay for my meal. He said "No" with a smile :)

Rejection #15: Tuesday is another one I'm going to keep to myself.

Boring post!

Rejection #13: $500 don't care

Wow, I'm having a lot of trouble keeping up with this blog lately! Daily blogging is quite the feat, I know ... and the good news is that the main reason I'm struggling is that I've been landing lots of freelance work. I'm a full-time freelance writer and editor ... of course, with a side of acting.

I know, we're cute,
we can't help it.

Anyway, on Saturday, against my better judgment, I drove up to Harrah's Cherokee to meet a friend who needed a distraction. Break-ups suck! So we just went for an overnight. At one point I was watching him play blackjack and he was whispering to me about this funny, little man a couple seats away who was winning a ton of money and betting $1000 at a time. I guess it was the air in the casino, but I somehow had the balls to go right over to him at this point and ask for a $500 chip. He had quite a few.

What do you think happened?

Well, HE GAVE ME ONE! I was floored. I truly believe he would not have asked for it back, but of course I can't be 100% sure because of what happened next. The lady next to me (between cute, little, old guy and my friend) looked at me like I was an awful gold digger and snatched it away from me and gave it back to the man. Well, thank you for that rejection that just cost me $500.

I really don't know what would have happened if that woman hadn't been there. I certainly wouldn't want to take advantage of someone, but it was late, I'd been gambling, it was loud ... who knows. I'd like to say I'd never keep it, but I'm just being honest here. Plus, as someone that's been way up before ("way up" for me is not thousands, of course), I've often given someone $100 in those moments. Not a stranger, but I would give it to a friend. So, ya know ... hard to say.

It did give me an experience I'd have never had otherwise. Ya know, being looked at like a gold digger. That look will be hard to forget.

Day 15: The Never Ending Story

I got a late start on Monday's rejection, but I figured it was ok because I was going to a waffle party after work so there'd be plenty of opportunity to get rejected. It was at one of my favorite places to eat, which has now closed its doors. I was crying into my waffles all evening so didn't get around to attempting rejection until I was leaving. I went to say goodbye to the host, a wonderful friend, and pointed to the giant spread of waffles, maple syrup bottles, chocolate syrup bottles, fresh fruit toppings, etc. and asked her if I could take all of it home with me? Being the generous person she is, she was like "Take as much as you want! We're going to be left with all of this to clean up after people leave," and handed me a to-go box.

Er. Maybe that was an anemic attempt at rejection. I was hoping to emphasize the "everything" in take everything home, and therefore hear something like a no. But, after filling up my to-go with more waffles, I said my goodbyes and left.

Next stop was Sevananda, one of my favorite grocery stores, situated in Little 5 Points, a community of artists, hippies, hip hop, steampunk, and the like. I walked into Sevananda determined that the first person I saw I'd approach because it was getting late. Right as I walked in there was a young man stocking a cooler with drinks, so I made a bee-line. "Will you sing a song with me?" I blurted out. It was an impulse.

"Uh.... um...." he hesitated--a good sign. "Uh.. . sure, okay."

"Oh good!!" I said. I actually was glad, but also a tiny bit disappointed. Time was tickin' and I hadn't been rejected yet.

"Uh... what song?" he asked.  "I don't know, how about Happy Birthday?" I replied.

Seriously? I couldn't think of a Frank Sinatra tune? Even Niki Minaj? I had to go with Happy Freaking Birthday? Well, no turning back now.

"Ok," laughing, "Whose birthday is it?" he asked. I said, "Yours?" I looked at his name tag which said "MIKE" in big letters, then looked at another employee standing nearby and said "It's Mike's birthday. We'll sing Happy Birthday to him!"

Mike was laughing at this point, and his friend was giggling like a school girl, but I started us off. There in the entryway of Sevananda we sang happy birthday to Mike. I was laughing a lot, but I learned my lesson early in this challenge -- if someone says yes to you, you do the thing, you don't back down.

After we were done singing Mike gave me a huge hug! He was so delighted with this random act of spontaneity that his misgivings at the start gave way to pure joy. I was so touched by the hug that I hugged the other guy too. "Happy Birthday Mike! Thanks for singing with me!" We said our goodbyes and I continued into the store to do my shopping.

That was awesome, but shit. Now what? I figured opportunity would knock again soon. And it did, about 15 minutes into my grocery shopping when a middle aged woman passed me by in the toiletries aisle and said hello.

"HI!!" I said way too enthusiastically. "Do you want to play the thumb game with me?" It was an impulse. She got a puzzled look on her face so I asked if she knew what the thumb game was? She said she did not, and so I explained how you lock fingers and try to squash the other person's thumb.

"Oh yeah, I know..... So.... you want to play the thumb game...Okay let's play." And so we locked fingers and went at it. She totally let me win. After we were done she introduced herself, "I'm Caroline!" and I introduced myself. She had a calm and inviting demeanor about her. I told her that I used to play the thumb game with my sister when we were little, and thanked her for bringing back a good childhood memory. She beamed at hearing that, and we went on our way.

A duel to the death!

That was awesome, but shit. Now what? I was ready to check out and it was dawning on me that a haven for alternative lifestyles was probably not the best place to look for rejection. So I determined to make another pit stop on the way home. I needed some contact lens solution, so that was a good excuse. But, checking out at CVS the cashier agreed to sing a song with me too. By this time I was getting frustrated but this guy was a real gentleman so I couldn't be too upset.

One more desperate attempt at rejection took me to Home Depot where they were just closing the store and a sales woman was walking out. I asked if she would open the store for me, thinking there is no way in f*ing hell she will agree. For the love of God, I thought, just say NO!! "Well..." she hesitated--a good sign. "What are you looking for?" OYE! I screamed in my head. I told her I needed a few flower pots, so she looked up their inventory on her iPhone and showed me a few options. I thanked her for being very helpful and courteous and agreed to come back tomorrow.

Monday's efforts in trying to get rejected reads like a children's book where a little explorer wanders through foreign lands and meets new friends along the way. It was incredibly frustrating to keep striking out, but it was even more amazing the connections made, however brief, with strangers. Was that last one an actual rejection? Meh. Probably not, but I decided I'd take it. Mostly I was in awe of what had transpired all evening. Singing and playing games with strangers, connecting over a yummy meal.

I am beginning to see that in some cases, the people I approach for rejection are actually getting something positive out of this too, if it's done right. And even if I fail for one day, that can't be a bad thing.

(Non-)Rejection #12: Three strikes and you're out!

Okay ... as seems to be the trend, Pamela is kicking my ass. She's going to get more out of this challenge in the end, and that will be a lesson for me. But I will not quit on her! So here's my post for Friday.

In fairness, I must admit that I was on my second drink before I realized I hadn't gotten rejected yet. Crap! I think the social lubricant that is alcohol is clearly cheating ... but I also didn't want to use it as an excuse not to do something. So I stopped drinking for the moment and went about getting rejected.

Pamela caught this awesome moment
of me trying to get rejected by Michael.
Unfortunately pre-unbuttoning ;)

I was at a pub after going to a very interesting show at my acting studio (too much to explain even a little, but if you live in Atlanta, you can see for yourself!). I was sitting next to fellow actor, Michael, who is not exactly known for being shy. I kinda knew I was setting myself up for a "Yes," but he was the closest target. I asked him if I could unbutton three of the buttons on his shirt. He already had a couple undone, so this would basically take me down to the top of his pants. He said "Do it," with a challenge in his eyes. I don't think he'd even realized I was going for a rejection (although I could be wrong, he'd probably at least seen a post or two on Facebook), he's just not very inhibited. So, I did it. I was nice enough to button them back up too.

I decided to try again. I stole an idea from Pamela and asked another fellow actor, Kelley, to dance. I specifically asked him to Jitterbug. He said he didn't know how, I said don't worry, I'll lead. You see, I learned to Jitterbug in a 7th grade elective that had more girls than boys. Being 5'9" even then (yes, that was an awkward time for me), I was chosen to be a leader. To this day when I partner dance I have to resist the urge to lead.

Anyway, Kelley agreed, we danced for a good two minutes and I swung him around and it was lots of fun. I showed him all my best moves and probably left him a bit dizzy :)

I even asked fellow actor Glenn for the very last bite of his brownie after his wife whispered the idea, thinking he'd never share. He immediately said, "Of course, you can have the rest!" and he definitely didn't realize I was trying to get rejected. Aww, Glenn, thanks ... but I actually didn't want the brownie.

So, no rejections Friday, but with three failed attempts I called it a day and returned to my drink.

Day 14: The Fayre, and the Policeman revisited

Sunday I was in Whole Foods doing some weekly grocery shopping. I was feeling pooped out from the weekend and not really in the mood to create a memorable rejection. But as I was picking out some peppers I noticed a stockist - is that even the right title? the person who puts the vegetables and fruits out on display in the store - replenishing some veggies near me. He seemed friendly so I asked him if he'd give me a ride on his cart.

He laughed, a shy but happy laugh and with a very heavy Southern accent said "I don't know if they'd let me do that.  But, I'm going to the fayre (spelling used for emphasis on the accent) and I'm sure I'll go on some rides there!"

"Well that won't do me any good," I said. "Tell you what, you  have a blast at the fair, but if they ever let you give rides to the customers on your cart, I want one!" He seemed really tickled at this whole exchange and I was glad to have made his night a little happier. In fact it really seemed that I could have talked him into it, and later in the evening I wished I would have pressed him harder. He might have caved. I could see myself wheeling around Whole Foods, being pushed by a shy but giddy older gentleman who didn't know what to make of me.

As a rejection bonus, when I was waiting in the checkout line a policeman came up beside me and noticed the fresh peaches I was putting on the conveyor belt. "Oooh peaches!" he exclaimed. "I'm hanging out with YOU!" So I offered him one from the carton, extending them out for him to make a selection. "No, no, I won't take one but thank you."  I reassured him it was ok but he refused again. Does that count as a rejection too? I think it does. I think I got a two-fer out of my visit to Whole Foods.

A favorite book of mine as a child.

Day 13: The Postman

Saturday's rejection was a lesson in not letting opportunities slip away. I was out walking Delia, thinking about how I could get rejected for the day. As I walked over to a nearby townhouse complex I spied the mail man sorting through the mail and depositing it into the various mailboxes there. I felt that familiar "Should I? Shouldn't I?" going through my head. Yes... no... stop... keeping walking. I almost stopped, then hesitated, then I kept walking. I turned a corner, leaving the mail man out of sight, but not out of mind. A few minutes later I heard him pack up his vehicle and drive off. I wanted  so much to double back and catch him before he left but Delia was doing her business and I wasn't about to yank her away. I heard him drive away, and my heart sank as I realized that was the sound of opportunity lost. I was disappointed in myself for wimping out.

Bonus points for whoever can name who these two.

But life often gives us opportunity to redeem ourselves, and I got mine! I got back to my own townhouse and thought to myself I need to check my own mail, so I walked out back to our mail center and who do you think was there, delivering the mail to my complex? Mister Opportunity!! He even had set up a little portable radio and speaker to help him get through his job in the heat. I wasn't about to let my second chance go by untaken, and so I leapt.

"You look really busy!" I said to him when I got close. He looked up and agreed. "Yeah yeah, gotta do it."

"Well....Can I help you deliver the mail?" I asked. He laughed at that, shook his head and said "I don't know if they'd let me do that! He he he!" He had a good laugh. Very hearty.

"I've never delivered mail before," I said. "I'd like to try!" He laughed some more and said he couldn't let me do that but if I wanted to wait for a minute, he'd get my mail for me before he put everyone else's in their box. So I waited and we joked a bit more and I commented on his slick little speaker setup. Then, after looking through his three different bins for three different types of mail (I learned something about mail delivery that day) he declared he had none for me.

"That's ok, that means no bills either." I said and wished him a great day.

Some of these people should never, ever quit their day job

Day 12: All The World's a Stage

I'm writing this rejection a couple days late because... well I have no excuse. I was lazy and then busy. But I did get rejected on Friday in perhaps the best way yet.

I had an audition to prepare for and was on a tight schedule to learn my sides and do the homework. In fact I had only about an hour before I had to go put it on tape. So I took a lunch break at Octane once again -- Octane seems to be THE place to have a great rejection experience -- audition sides in hand, ordered my usual salad and sat down to work. Then it occurred to me that this would provide a good "in" with someone or other to get rejected. I glanced around the room and settled on a group of three strangers sitting directly in front of me engaged in conversation.

"Excuse me," I said as I approached. "You look kind of busy but I was wondering if you would help me run some lines? I have an audition later today and not much time to learn my part." At first they hesitated, and the young man in the group said that they were actually about to leave soon so they probably couldn't help me. I said that's ok no problem, but then one of the girls sitting in the huddle said "Well I don't know, it's ok, we can help," and mentioned that she has done a little bit of acting herself. She was very cheery. The third person, a very pregnant young lady, looked mildly annoyed at the entire exchange and didn't say much but her companions became increasingly enthusiastic about the whole thing. So, I grabbed my script, gave them a copy and we ran through it a couple of times. It was actually fun! I thanked them several times when we were done (I really was grateful!), went back to my table and thought "That was awesome! Now what?"

They left and I regrouped. Ate some salad, read my sides a bunch more times, looked around the room again. Repeat. Finally I settled on two young ladies that I thought would surely reject me. They were busy talking, had their laptops open-- definitely occupied with other matters. So I approached them, and asked again "Excuse me, I hope I'm not bothering you but would you be willing to help me run some lines..." One of the young ladies got up and walked away because she was on the phone and wanted to have a private conversation. I looked at the other one and said "I think I just scared your friend away!" but she was warm and friendly and assured me that I wasn't intruding. "Sure I'd be happy to help you out! That sounds interesting!" Um, ok, I asked if she was sure because she looked really busy? "Oh no this is nothing" pointing to the spread of personal effects on the table, then chirped "It's no problem!" She was so freaking pleasant I actually felt bad for bothering them. But again I ran back to my table, grabbed my script, handed her a copy and we did the scene. When we were done we introduced ourselves and shook hands. I thanked her several times again and went back to my table.

By now I've got my audition down pat but I still haven't gotten rejected. But I've gotta get the hell out of there now to get to my taping appointment. Alas, maybe this wasn't the place my rejection was going to go down. Maybe I had to try again later. So I packed up and started out the door.

Heading out I noticed a young lady sitting alone at a table, buried in her phone texting, with a puss on her face. I don't know what came over me but the words started pouring out of my mouth almost involuntarily. I swear it wasn't me talking, but I was saying the words. "You look sad." I stopped at her side and remarked. She looked up as if to say "who the hell are you?" "No I'm fine, I'm ok." Awkward smile, look back down. "Ok. I just thought you looked really sad. Do you want me to give you a hug?" I asked, smiling ear to ear. "No no. I'm fine, thanks." she said, clearly wanting to be left alone. "Ok," I said, "I hope you feel better!" and hurried out the door. Then the aliens left my body and I retained all memories of what had just transpired.

That kind of thing... is not me. I just don't approach people like that. Even considering it makes me feel nervous and shaky. The prospect of humiliation stops me in my tracks.  But for this challenge, I'm finding that the less I think about it, the more able I am to do these things that are totally outside my comfort zone. I didn't believe I just said that to the girl sitting there, but I was in a hurry to leave and therefore didn't give myself a chance to fail. I went for it before any second thoughts could prevent me. And it worked.

If I ever complain about having to find someone to run lines with in the future, I am going to shut my trap and go to Octane. Clearly, that is the place to be if you need to rehearse your audition.